We’re Still Here
Australia reports on the effects of the Mayan Apocalypse:
Mayan Calendar expires, bringing little sign of an Apocalypse
News Limited Network
December 21, 2012 12:20PM
D’oh. We got the date wrong… A member of a folk group performs wearing a Maya mask in Tikal archaeological site in Peten, 560 km north of Guatemala city. Picture: Hector RETAMAL Source: AFP
WELCOME to the 14th b’ak’tun. So far, expectations of our demise appear to have been greatly exaggerated.
The clock has stopped ticking.
The 13th b’ak’tun has ended. The Mayan calendar has expired.
We’re still here. So is New Zealand – and they’re two hours ahead of us.
There are no reports of Planet Nibiru looming suddenly above our atmosphere. No 100ft tall apparitions of Mayan gods have started eating populations here or anywhere else so far covered by the 14th b’ak’tun date-line. The spiritual event, however, may be well under way – with hundreds of hippies gathered at Uluru (Ayres Rock) to do what hippies do. And a convention of spiritualists in Mexico has declared the spiritual ascendancy is happening now, with spirals of light entering your head from a galactic bridge.
But, there is still a chance it may all end. Some are hanging out for midnight Mexico time (5pm AEST) and the start of the new b’ak’tun over the ruins of the Mayan civilisation. Others insist the “event” will happen at exactly 11.11pm – wherever you may live (though why it would happen 11 hours and 11 minutes after the calendar has expired is not explained). Most are just having a good time: One prankster, tweeting under the guise of Prince Charles, has asked “Are you still there, Australia?”
Amid the hype is a real – but remote – cause for fear. Scientists have announced the discovery of an ancient unstable sea-mount off the coast of Queensland. If it slips, it could cause a huge tsunami. Whatever the case, preparations around the world have been extensive. But preparations for the apocalypse seem often to be indiscernible from a good party.
Here’s a summary of the apocalypse so far:
Tourism Australia is glad we’ve survived – and is telling the world to come Down Under to help celebrate.
More than a thousand shamans, seers and stargazers have gathered in the Mexican city of Merida, near the ancient ruins of Chichen Itza.
Enthusiasts have gathered at the Mayan pyramid at Uxmal – the only pyramid with rounded edges – to soften the impact.
Parties are underway in bunkers throughout the world, with one in Russia charging a $1500 door fee.
The French village of Bugarach in the Pyrenees is sleeping quietly – and doing its best to ignore the hundreds of journalists swarming over its backyard mountain.
The anticipated New-Ager tourism boom never happened and the UFO is yet to arrive.
Twitter is facing melt-down with swarms of doomsday jokes, pranks and pictures.
Stonehenge is combining its annual Winter Solstice party with an End of the World party.
Serbians are gathering at their own holy mountain, a pyramid shaped mound repeatedly proven not to be a man-made construction concealing a sorcerer.
Turkey’s end of the world haven is turning into a bust: Only journalists and security guards have turned up at the “exempt” town of Sirince.
Italy’s “exempt” town of Cisternino seems to be doing better: hundreds of hotel rooms have been booked.
China’s determined to make sure the world doesn’t end. It has arrested 500 belonging to a Christian cult using doomsday messages to recruit.
Me? I am off to work because my mortgage company is remarkably lacking in sense of humor on this topic.